>At this time of year, ads for weight-loss programs
>saturate print media and the airwaves. Even TV talk shows devote time
>to the battle of the bulge. I caught part of a Dr. Phil episode in
which
the
>prominent self-help guru was evaluating the situation of one
overweight
>guest. The woman commented that she'd like to buy a horse so she could
get
>exercise via riding. "That's great for the horse," responded Dr. Phil
>drolly, "but what good is it for you?"

>Clearly, the good doctor doesn't own a horse. At least, not the right
horse.
>A quiet, well-broke, agreeable mount may indeed not offer much in the
>way of fitness training. But the right horse (and most of us have
owned 1
or
>2, haven't we?) will provide a body-building, cardiovascular-enhancing
>workout that would make Richard Simmons envious.
>
>Allow me to explain...
>
>With the right horse, you begin your fitness program by walking out to
the
>pasture. As you stride briskly, you carry the halter and lead rope
behind
>you, pushed up high on your back so the lead doesn't drag. The purpose
of
>this is to tone your chest and upper-arm muscles (because you're not
fooling
>your horse- -he knows what you're carrying). As you approach to within
>a few feet of him,he'll walk slowly away from you, then stop. This
will be
>repeated several times in succession, until you're ready to jog. At
that
>point, the horse will trot, then gallop around the pasture.
>
>If you're at the advanced level of fitness, you may continue chasing
after
>him for maximum aerobic benefits. Beginners may prefer to toss the
halter
>and lead on the ground, bend forward from the waist, and engage in
heavy
>breathing and chanting (that's what we'll call it, anyway--chanting)
as
the
>horse continues to circle the field. When the horse determines you've
had
>enough of this warm-up session, he'll allow you to catch him.
>
>Now comes the total upper-body workout of grooming. The right horse,
of
>course, will be caked in dried mud. The cement-like consistent of it
will
>require work-to-exhaustion effort of your biceps and triceps.
>
>Next comes the bending, stretching, and toning of hoof-picking. Bend
over,
>pick up the horse's left front foot, then be prepared to jump back as
he
>stomps it back down to the ground. (Keep your knees bent as you jump,
to
>protect your lower back.) Reach down and pick up the foot again,
hopping
>about with the horse to maintain your grip as you attempt to pick what
seems
>to be dirt mixed with Super Glue from the hoof. Eventually the horse
may
>stand still; you may be chanting by this time. Repeat the entire
>circuit 3 more times, with the remaining feet.
>
>Once you can stand erect again, it's time for the insect repellent
exercise.
>True, with this one, your horse may actually get more of a workout
than
you
>do, but you certainly get more of the repellent. It goes like this:
>Squirt!-circle-circle. Squirt!-circle-circle.
>Squirt!-circle-circle---and so on, until you're completely misted with
>repellent.
>
>With the right horse, saddling up provides both aerobic and strength
>building benefits. The trick is to keep your feet moving as you heft
>the saddle blanket over and over, trying to keep it in place on a
moving
>target.
>
>The blanket exercise warms you up for the saddle exercise, for which
the
>routine is the same, only the weight is much greater--perfect for
>buffing those hard-to-tone shoulder muscles.
>
>Now comes the mounting exercise. With the right horse, it's left leg
up,
>hop-hop-hop, left leg down. Left leg up, hop-hop-hop, left leg down.
>For balance, go around to the other side and continue the exercise
(right
>leg up, hop-hop-hop, right leg down, etc.). When your heart rate
begins to
>exceed your target range, look for a bucket. Bend over, pick it up,
place
it
>upside-down next to the horse, wait for the horse to move away, then
bend
>over, pick it up again, place it next to the horse, and so on. When
the
>horse deems you've had enough of these repetitions, he'll stand still
and
>allow you to actually mount.
>
>At this point, of course, you'll be too exhausted to ride. It's best
not
to
>overdo it, so dismount, grab a protein bar, and head to the shower.