I cried when I read this email. I think that may of us have gone through
exactly the same thing, when we couldn't bear to let our little ones go. And
then we all suffer the guilt aftewards. But I know that Lawrence is happy and
healthy now, and he doesn't want you to feel guilt about him. If he could speak
to you, I know he would say "I forgive you, please don't feel guilty. I know
how much you loved me and still do."
----- Original Message -----
From: Diana Anderson
To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 1:03 PM
Subject: [FH] Emily





I agree with the other posters, do not beat yourself up. You have to know in
your heart that you did all you could. The people that join this and other kitty
health groups are folks who go above and beyond what the average pet parent does
when faced with an ailing cat.

Sometimes I think we actually go beyond what is right for our pets.

I am speaking only about myself, I judge no one but myself.

When our diabetic kitty Lawrence died unexpectedly two years ago (he was on
insulin and doing well) I was so heart broken that I failed to realize just how
sick our other sweet boy Hardy was. He had been ailing for a while (kidneys) and
I honestly expected him to pass on first. But when Lawrence died I couldnt bare
the thought of losing Hardy as well and so I refused to let him go. He was so
ill and miserable yet he was still my boy, I loved him so much. Three weeks
later I lost him anyways.

And for those 3 weeks he suffered - I did not do what was right for him. I
live with this everyday and 2 years passing have not erased the memory of my
dear boy so ill that he was unable to move or eat or drink. I waited too long
to take him to the vet to be PTS, I didnt want him to be PTS. I thought at the
time that letting him go would hurt too much but I was thinking only of my pain.
I look at his photo everyday and I wish I hadnt been so damn stupid. I should
have thought of him.

When the time comes - and it always does - I know I have to let our adopted
heart kitty Happy move on to a life without pain and try to take comfort in the
fact that we will all see each other again someday. I can then tell my big
beautiful Hardy boy that I learned from him a very painful lesson about life and
how sorry I am that he suffered for that.

So sorry to ramble but I am still torn up, I suspect that I always will be.

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